I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
