dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize