Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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