Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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