Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
