Michael Bay diarrhea
i wish my penis had a tongue
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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