How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
