I puked a lego.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
