i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
