it hurts more in the daytime
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
