I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
