Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
