I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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