Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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