i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize