Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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