Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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