it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
