ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
