oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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