Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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