Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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