Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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