do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it's great music for shaving your balls
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
