i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
