He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
