last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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