Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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