I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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