I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
