Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
