saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
