Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Less talking, more tequila
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize