i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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