I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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