Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
