I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize