She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
