these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The air was thick with penises
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
