This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
