i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
