There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
