Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
