hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
