Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
BRING THE BAGELS
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
