i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
