I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
