He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
