Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
