yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize