doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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