I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
