how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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