I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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