She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
