thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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