guys are not supposed to queef...right?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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