The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
