He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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