I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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