make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
