i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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