I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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