Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
