A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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