My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
