Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
