its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
