but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
