so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
