i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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