if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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