Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
