I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
