just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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