we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
