I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
