What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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