just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
my poor anus
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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