I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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