How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize