i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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