you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
