apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
