giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
