just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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