i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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