i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
