Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
