just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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