I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
ttyl tear gas
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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