I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
