you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
