im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
