So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
