My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
