so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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