margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
