god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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