mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
