I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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