I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize