I just saw a hot homeless man
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
