i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
