i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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