I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
