I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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