talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Text me some of your sweat
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
