you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize