Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
