Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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