3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
