Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
