Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Say something about gay babies.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
