Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
