I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
and she was petting her beer can
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
